Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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