I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there's paper in my vomit.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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