who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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