Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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