I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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