Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
