I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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