apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
