Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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