you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
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im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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