we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
