I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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