my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
