I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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