Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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