you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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