Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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