i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
