i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
