That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
