happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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