i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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