I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
