the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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