I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They are going to name an STD after you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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