Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
