I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
