Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
