Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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