finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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