in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
