it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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