Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm really busy with my period
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