you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
