areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
