I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
