Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
