he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize