I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
