"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
