Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize