you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
