Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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