I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
