A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
