I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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