get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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