My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
