when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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