OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
