If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
