I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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