i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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