remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
