Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
